Author: <span>HDS Therapy</span>

Problem from the Reader

Since I lost my job a few months ago, I haven’t been motivated to do anything at all. Today I came to the realization that what I initially believed to be a work-related behavior pattern may really be applicable to my entire life. Namely: Unless under pressure or given a lot of duty, I flounder. I find it strange, but I first became aware of it when I was only a humble employee making the barest minimum to get by at my first job. I was drowsy. Although I was also a good employee, I finally received the promotion to manager. As soon as I felt in charge of something, everything for me changed. I started caring about what I was doing about immediately, had put in extra effort, and was actively involved in every aspect of it. I really developed into a fantastic staff because I loved it. Since then, every job has been the same: I can hardly accomplish anything unless someone is actually depending on me to control something crucial.

I’ve never really been in a situation where my financial commitment is essential, and my lover makes enough money to support us. I didn’t realize that perhaps it’s making me feel pointless, depriving my existence of the obligation I long for.

The fact that identifying the issue doesn’t support is, in my opinion, the biggest issue. Even though I am aware that I would begin to return to my normal soul if I simply forced myself to look for employment, volunteer work, or ANYTHING that would encourage those feelings of duty, it doesn’t help. I simply don’t seem to give a damn. How then do I end the period? And why do I need stress so much that I never just thrive under it?

Response from a psychologist

You seem to have realized how much pressure resembles an ocean wave. We seek the ideal wave, similar to surfers, one that is neither too powerful nor too weak to help us land upright on our boards. When the stress is very high, we frequently succumb to the flood or lose our footing before reaching our destination. For fear of failing and falling, we occasionally simply steer clear of the powerful storm. On the other hand, when pressure is too low, we frequently lack the speed to accomplish our objectives, and the influx fizzles out very quickly, which is what it appears you are going through.

However, I believe you’ve done some really good projecting and are starting to see patterns and requirements for a larger lake. The connection between your needs and your atmosphere is what isn’t working properly, not something inside of you. Additionally, I have a sneaking suspicion that the circumstances surrounding how your previous employment ended— which, it would seem, was not of your choosing— may be making it even harder for you to muster the motivation to worry.

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When someone loses their job, it is frequently think very much like grief. A job loss may result in a number of losses, such as the reduction of construction, accountability, social contacts, and an everyday place to go. We frequently don’t think like ourselves when we are grieving after losing someone. We experience increased sluggishness, fatigue, changes in taste, loneliness, and problems interacting with others. The pressure to find a new work combined with these challenges can be even more crippling. In these circumstances, it can be beneficial to discuss the damage with a trustworthy friend or mental health professional, to take better care of oneself, and to find ways to release the pressure of looking for work until you have considered what the task meant and what it means to not have it right now.

Finding someone who specializes in technical guidance may also be beneficial after going through the grief process because many coaching psychologists have training in career assessment and growth. In order to find a great person-environment fit for you that will be more inspiring and motivating, an experienced professional may work with you to discover your interests, skills, and values. Finding something important and pleasant may be worth the time and effort for you right now because work is a crucial component of our lives and identities. As you consider possible career paths, it may be helpful to learn more about who you are and how you might grow on a larger wave.

Author’s Response

I frequently spend the entire day sitting and thinking obsessively about something. I’m unsure of the exact time, but I try to identify and comprehend my emotions regarding my attempted murder three or two years ago. I occasionally feel helpless and ashamed of myself when I reflect on my attempted murder. The idea that those who are aware of my attempt believe I am helpless, terrible, and self-conscious because I tried to end my life is consuming me. In other words, I’m genuinely curious as to why I experience this sinking sensation. I’m proud to say that I have a good understanding of psychology and that my feelings are out of the ordinary. I’ve made several attempts to learn more about it, but to no avail. Please at least identify the experience for me if you may.

The Psychologist’s Response

I believe that what you are experiencing is pity, which many people in your position have experienced before. It is that sense of regret, grief, and grief that we all experience occasionally in life. Shame, regrettably, has the power to be a very destructive feeling that may worsen rather than improve our circumstances and struggles. Shame is a feeling of guilt and unworthiness that originates from within each of us. But, that is only a portion of the challenges faced by someone who has successfully committed suicide. There is another factor that is equally debilitating: brand. The world around us is where the brand comes from. Society conveys the idea that what we have done is wrong or taboo and that we are flawed in some way, poor, and unworthy.

There is a lot of stigma associated with people who have contemplated suicide, tried to end their lives, or also committed murder. The information we hear about death from the internet, our friends, and even our families paint those who are struggling with it as poor, insane, flawed, or self-centered. This brand is frequently very damaging and does not take into account information about melancholy or the chemicals in our brains. Those who struggle with depression and suicide simply feel more ashamed as a result of the brand. Even more depressive thoughts may result from this. It is a routine that can go on and on for some of my customers.

Although attitudes toward suicide are gradually improving — we’ve seen many people speak out against the stigma of suicide, for instance, when Robin Williams passed away— the stigma is still pervasive enough in our culture to keep most people, especially the elderly, from discussing it. Death is a topic that many people are reluctant to discuss, which just makes it harder to comprehend and assist. We are less likely to ask for help and support from those who may offer it if we are hesitant to speak up for fear of how others may respond. The brand connected to feeling this way is sought to be removed by a successful suicide prevention program.

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There are many facets of our world that make people feel guilty about having depressive and suicidal thoughts. People are frequently referred to as” committing” suicide as they would a crime or sin. This kind of speech has been employed in an effort to dissuade people from committing suicide. I recognize that while society as a whole does have good intentions, this only encourages people who are depressed to hide rather than seek the necessary assistance. It just gets worse as a result.

My clients who have attempted suicide or were contemplating it frequently say things like,” I’m weak, I’ll be a burden to everyone, and I must be crazy.” These are some of the most common thoughts they have. These concepts were previously discussed in my content,” 4 Tales About Suicide.” This stigma’s worst effects include persuading us that we should keep our emotions hidden and fight together. Our despair just feels worse when we are by ourselves, which only makes it worse. I frequently hear my customers claim that they didn’t discuss it because their loved ones, friends, and medical professionals will not comprehend. You are not alone, but I can’t guarantee that all you want to understand will( possibly because they have accepted the stigma and negative information ). Finding people who understand is useful in recovering from a murder effort because there are many people out there who have experienced this just like you. It can be a life-changing experience whether you find them in your home, friends, social networking, or depression support group. There are many online resources available as well, such as Waking Up Live, What Happens Today?, and beyondblue, to help you start to comprehend what it means to recover from this. Many of us who know someone who is depressed are frequently hesitant to inquire as to whether they are considering murder. But, simply asking can help lessen the stigma associated with it by letting people know it’s okay to discuss it.

Problem from the Reader

I haven’t had many friends since I was a young child, and when I started being bullied, that amount decreased to zero. When I moved to a new class and made companions, I kept that routine just in case my teachers decided to break up with me. I had to make friends with them, and over time, that’s what I became accustomed to doing. Then, whenever a professor doesn’t like me, it keeps me up at night worrying about potential mistakes. I always want to be there for my beloved teacher to support them and ease any anxiety they may be experiencing. However, whenever I make a mistake or feel like I’m bothering them, it’s disastrous, and I feel as though I am bringing down the god. So, my inquiry is:

Is it bad to hold my teacher in such high regard and to aspire to friendship with them beyond simple friendliness? If I keep my distance?

Response from a psychologist

It is only natural to love professors, to want to win their favor, and even to hope to become friends with them. It is simple to fall in love with teachers because they frequently possess qualities we wish for in ourselves, such as compassion, warmth, wisdom, compassion, and warmth. Instructors also pay attention to us, particularly when we effectively respond to questions or put forth effort. However, there are times when we overestimate the significance of the interest, falsely believing that our relationship with a teacher is unique from everyone else’s. All of these feelings and thoughts are normal; what matters is how we handle them and what we do with them.

When peers have not been as accepting( and have instead bullied ), I can understand how instructors have been particularly kind to you and how you feel their support and friendship. We often find that we have a lot more in common with our educators when we find it difficult to relate to people our own time( or when they have trouble relating to us ). However, just as it’s crucial to have our faculty and other reliable people serve as our safety traps( much like you did when moving to a new school ), we also need to keep learning new strategies for interacting with and developing friendships with people our own time. While some teachers may be able to assist with these skills, it is more common to find specific tools for facilitating friendships and peer relationships from a reputable consultant at the college or perhaps an authorized therapist or psychologist outside of the institution.

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People may become frightened or flustered around authority figures( like teachers) when they are worried about what they think of them, and they may even put them on a pedestal as you described. This can occasionally be a sign of social shyness or anxiety problem. If this is the case for you, a skilled mental health professional can help you identify it and provide organized strategies to make your interactions with teachers and other authority figures more reasonable. Students’ jobs are to listen to their professors and make the most of the lessons they are given, while teachers’ responsibilities include assisting students in learning. When we start to misinterpret the marriage as being closer, we cross lines that are crucial for ensuring that kids learn.

You even mentioned wanting to support your professors at all times to ease their stress. It would be beneficial for you to work on this crucial edge. No child should assist in reducing stress in individuals; that responsibility belongs to other people with whom they have relationships and friendships that are appropriate for their age. It’s possible that a tutor gets irritated because they see this barrier being crossed. It is appropriate to have a good relationship with savvy by paying attention to the teacher, asking for assistance with school-related issues( both the learning materials and peer issues ), and following their instructions.

Yes, wanting an adult-like connection with your instructors can be harmful, to answer your question. Consider the good restrictions described below rather than viewing it as distancing. Consider how you can channel your need for encouragement and friendliness into your own peer interactions rather than those with your instructors. My guess is that once you start experimenting with putting more effort( with consultant assistance if necessary ) into your same-age connections, you will get along better with your professors, care less about them, and feel better about yourself as well.

Writer’s Response

I’m not sure what to do with my uncle any longer. I was 15 when my parents split up, and I moved in with my father. He always treated me poorly, mistreated me in every way, coerced me into believing anyone, and even turned me against my mother. During the marriage, everything he said to me turned out to be about him and not about her. I therefore trusted him for six years before getting married and leaving at the age of 22. Everything he said turned out to be a rest. He has changed me so drastically that I can’t help but feel bad about whatever. I blame myself for all, I find it impossible to laugh at jokes, and I constantly put myself down and think I have to do everything in order to win my father’s approval. My marriage to my husband is currently being destroyed by it. I have to visit my dad once a week, visit him every day, and comply with all of his requests. I’ve made numerous attempts to put an end to it, but each time he fights back, I am unable to speak; instead, the man yells, argues, and even threatens to hit me. And each day I cry, I come back to him. I will lose my father, brother, and everything I own if I don’t act quickly. I don’t want to let go of my one and only source of joy. He ruined me. I need assistance and I don’t understand what to do.

Psychologist’s Response

It sounds like you’ve had a challenging time with your father, but you have also learned to see points clearly and stop tolerating them. It appears that leaving his home was the first step in comprehending both his strategies and your own reactions to them.

I get the impression from your outline that two points are taking place:

1. Your papa is who he is, and it’s unlikely that much of that may alter.
2. You may have more control over the relationship depending on how you choose to listen to your parents.

People occasionally experience a sense of helplessness and entrapment in the design of how they react to others, particularly their parents. Consider how much emotional and physical distance you might be able to put up from your parents in these situations. I saw a lot of” have tos” in your description, but I’m not sure what will happen if you don’t agree. If someone is emotionally and physically aggressive, there isn’t a good way to stay in contact with them until the mistreatment stops. It sounds like there are risks of mistreatment when and if you engage with him.

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I’m curious as to what keeps you in touch with your dad— is it out of obligation, a fictitious desire for his approval, or something else? I’m wondering if there is a way to established stronger boundaries with him without” ending it”; the fear of you cutting him off may also be driving some of this behaviour. If he is willing to acknowledge and stop the abuse.

The first thing I would advise anyone going through in this circumstance to do is sit down and create a plan for communicating with your parents that will work and feel secure for you. How frequently would you want to check in with him on the telephone, putting away his requirements and needs? How frequently would you like to discover him? After the way he’s treated you, do you want to get in touch with him at most?

It might be beneficial for the two of you to lay down with a neutral third party( such as an authorized counselor or licensed counselor) to find ways to communicate these limitations with him so that he can hear them once you have figured out what your requirements are in the relationship and have made up your mind whether you want to date him at all. Starting with” Dad, I love you and want you to be a part of our life, but I have my own home that I sometimes have to put first” can be helpful. Can you arrange for us to meet somewhere in the center? Another strategy might be to start ignoring his names and offers and responding to or accepting them just when you have the time and energy to do so( as well as for him ). Your own time and strength are yours to use however you see fit; you have the right to do so. You have the option to gently hang up the phone or left if he yells and screams. It’s crucial that you intentionally try to get in touch with him when using this strategy, particularly if you’re both in a relaxed, balanced mood. When you’re overcome with rage or disappointment, trying to make changes will only create the issues that now exist between you worse.

It can be very difficult to set boundaries with parents, or with others in our lives who pull for us to pay attention to them. Your anger toward your father is valid; it’s finding a way to effectively communicate that anger and set your own boundaries that is difficult. Talking to a licensed mental health provider may be most helpful for you given the pain you’ve experienced. I would also suggest reading Harriet Lerner’s Dance of Anger as another resource in figuring out how to express your feelings clearly while navigating this difficult relationship.

Writer’s Response

I have no idea what’s wrong with me. I’m envious of those who enjoy foods because I never get to enjoy it as much. I discover that most items don’t interest me. I don’t often feel depressed or sad; instead, I really feel empty and unmotivated. If I actually feel inspired to do something, it vanishes in an instant. Going to the gym used to be fun for me, and it felt fantastic. It was five years ago at the time. I find it difficult to exercise right then. I don’t think content about being around friends or new people whenever I sit with them; neither do I experience any feelings of pleasure. I adore math, science, and computer technology, but whenever I find myself involved in these fields, I just can’t seem to concentrate on them because I discover that doing the things I enjoy the most is not enjoyable. I don’t experience any pleasure or feelings of pleasure. I experience this overwhelming sense of emptiness once or twice a fortnight, lasting from weeks to months. Maybe I don’t actually care to eat or drink because I have no interest in doing so. This doesn’t appear to be a case of despair. That’s probable, right?

Response from a psychologist

Anhedonia, a significant aspect of sadness, is what you describe in large part. Simply put, anhedonia is the inability to enjoy activities that are typically thought to be pleasurable or enjoyable. It frequently manifests as a lack of motivation to do the things you enjoy doing or an absence of enjoyment from the activities you typically enjoy, also known as” avolition.” Some of my patients have depression as a major component of their depression, maybe even more so than simply feeling down or depressed. Many people describe it as ongoing feelings of loneliness, never from dullness but rather from hopelessness, loneliness, or isolation. I observe depression most frequently as a factor in lower sexual drive and being less sociable.

Although psychosis, anxiety, and personality problems can all cause depression, it is less frequently linked to depression. According to some experts, depression may cause the brain’s pleasure facility to shut down, making it difficult to feeling nice and essentially limiting the amount of satisfaction we may experience. Others have argued that anhedonia restricts how much we can feel great, so even when we do feel pleasure, it does not last long enough to be significant.

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Regardless of the cause, lethargy is frequently quite difficult and can hinder the recovery from depression by making it harder to work, advance, and put forth effort. It can be challenging to muster the motivation to advance, especially if you don’t feel like it. But it is necessary to aid in your treatment. It can be very beneficial to try to maintain as much of your regular schedule as you can. Fighting those wants can help you break free from the way you’ve been feeling, but lethargy and depression may make us want to retreat, stay in bed all morning, and dismiss relationships that we need. Sometimes the first step perhaps simply be getting out of bed. after which getting dressed. Next eating. finally start moving forward. Start off by taking it in small steps. Before you even start to consider the next step, discipline yourself through each one. Even small portions of simple exercise have been found to significantly reduce depression. Exercise, even in small doses, may cause your mind to produce chemicals that improve mood and motivation. Walking is a fantastic method to get things going. Getting up and start moving. Another solution that benefits many is treatment. The body’s capacity for pleasure is thought to be restored by fast-acting drugs. Although treatment may have some side effects, the entire benefit frequently outweighs them.

Self-shaming or being self-critical about this is one point to watch out for. Anhedonia affects many active and productive people, who frequently view it as a defect in their personalities. They describe themselves as sad, slow, and lazy. I observe this in people who, prior to the onset of their despair, had incredibly high levels of exercise and production. We must keep in mind that this is a brain-based cerebral and chemical process. Anyone in this position needs to be aware that your mind is being affected by the despair. It’s not something you did, and it doesn’t mean that your identity as a person has changed permanently. Criticizing yourself to get moving and leave, humiliating yourself, or” guilting” yourself into doing better will probably only make you feel worse. Adding a small sense of self to your depression won’t help and will only make things worse. Anyone in this situation should be gentle with themselves. Motivation will motivate you more than shame and guilt. Treatment is a procedure. Allow yourself to go through that process without worrying about how long it will” should” take for you to recover. I have never witnessed people” yell and scream” at themselves to feel better while working with a lot of unhappy people. I would say,” You can do this ,” to anyone in this situation. You possess this.