Writer’s Response

Although my psychologist acknowledges that I exhibit many of the signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder, I haven’t been in any intimate relationships because I know I’d make a terrible companion. Does not being in a marriage preclude me from having BPD?

Psychologist’s Response

You can still have borderline personality disorder even if you haven’t been in a loving marriage. Relationships can be severely impacted by BPD, but this character disorder is also accompanied by a number of other significant signs. The signs can range from mild to severe, but they typically include an unstable sense of self, risky or impulsive behaviors( often including things like spending, sex, suicide / self-injury, or even substance abuse ), significant mood swings, persistent feelings of emptiness, frequent outbursts of anger, and occasionally paranoia or feeling disconnected from the present. ( See the NIMH overview to read more about BPD. )

There are some BPD symptoms that may seriously harm a marriage. BPD sufferers frequently make furious, extreme attempts to prevent actual or imagined abandonment. Whether a lost or abandonment situation is true or only feared, people with the disorder are frequently extremely sensitive to it and devastated by it. These feelings are usually challenging for them and frequently result in bad behavior. For instance, they might become overly or improperly unhappy if their partner is delayed for lunch or doesn’t respond to their texts promptly. Through the use of pity, grief, and rage, deceitful efforts can be made to stop the other person from leaving out of fear of being abandoned or rejected. Consistent manipulation can quickly drive their companions away, which is exactly what they wanted to avoid. High levels of mistrust can also be a result of the man with BPD’s fear of being rejected and abandoned, which may keep them from also wanting to be in relationships. Some people with BPD have also said they would prefer to be by themselves rather than potentially deal with those problems in a relationship.

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BPD sufferers are also more likely to experience abrupt or extreme changes in how they view other people. For their companions, who frequently wonder if they are loved or hated by them, these shifting viewpoints can be very perplexing. They frequently want to spend all of their time with their romantic partners or caregivers, rapidly grow attached to them, and reveal their deepest secrets early in the marriage before abruptly changing and devaluing the people. They might start to feel that the other person doesn’t care or place enough energy into the relationship, and they might rapidly grow suspicious of them. According to some studies, people with BPD exhibit brain activity patterns linked to impaired social norm recognition and altered aggressive behaviors and reactions.

Despite these problems, there is cure available, such as developing interpersonal skills that can support a strong, healthy relationship. For those who struggle with the disorder, there are tried-and-true treatment options( such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, and Interpersonal or Relational Therapies ). In addition to these, spouses therapy can be helpful. Many people with BPD experience ongoing relationship sorrow and emotional pain over time, which makes them firmly believe that love and dedication are out of reach. Make an effort to doubt that. People can obtain these priceless items, even those who have borderline personality disorder; all they need is dedication to treatment and colleagues who are willing to be patient.