Problem from the Reader

Since I lost my job a few months ago, I haven’t been able to muster the drive to do, well, everything. Now I came to the realization that my conduct may actually follow a pattern that I had observed at work. Particularly: Unless under pressure or given a lot of duty, I flounder. It seems contradictory to me, but I first became aware of it when I started working at the first task I ever had, where I was merely a humble worker making the barest minimum to survive. I had a drowsy feeling. Although I was also a good worker, I finally received the promotion to manager. As soon as I felt in charge of something, everything for me changed. I immediately cared about what I was doing, did put in extra effort, and was deeply involved in all facets of it almost immediately. I really developed into a fantastic staff because I loved it. Since then, every job has been the same: I can hardly accomplish anything unless someone is truly depending on me to manage something crucial.

My spouse earns enough money to support us, and I’ve always really felt the need to make a financial commitment. I didn’t realize that maybe it’s making me feel pointless, depriving me of the obligation I long for in life.

The biggest issue for me, although, is that acknowledging the issue is ineffective. Even though I am aware that if I simply forced myself to look for employment— a voluntary position, or ANYTHING that would encourage those feelings of obligation— I would begin to revert to my normal self, it doesn’t help. I simply don’t seem to give a damn. So how do I stop this routine? And why do I need stress more than just live under it?

Psychologist’s Response

You seem to have realized how similar strain is to an ocean wave. We search for the ideal storm, just like surfers, one that isn’t too strong or too weak to support us land straight on our boards. When the stress is very high, we frequently succumb to the flood or lose our footing before achieving our objective. For fear of failing and falling, we occasionally simply steer clear of the powerful storm. On the other hand, when pressure is too low, we frequently lack the speed to accomplish our objectives, and the influx fizzles out very quickly, which is what it appears you are going through.

However, I believe you’ve done some really good focusing and are starting to see trends and requirements for an sea with larger waves. The connection between your needs and your atmosphere is what isn’t working properly, not something inside of you. Additionally, I have a sneaking suspicion that the circumstances surrounding the termination of your previous job— which, it would seem, was not your decision— may be making it even harder for you to muster the motivation to worry.

Try website counseling to get physically matched.
( Read our crucial explanation below. )

When someone loses their job, it is frequently feel very much like grief. A job loss may result in a number of losses, such as the loss of construction, accountability, social contacts, and an everyday place to go. We frequently don’t think like ourselves when we are grieving after losing someone. We experience increased sluggishness, fatigue, changes in appetite, loneliness, and problems interacting with others. Perhaps more crippling can be the pressure to find a new career combined with these challenges. In these circumstances, it can be beneficial to discuss the damage with a trustworthy friend or mental health professional, to take better care of oneself, and to find ways to release the pressure of looking for work until you have considered what the task meant and what it means to not have it right now.

Finding a technical guidance specialist after experiencing grief may also be beneficial because many counseling psychologists have received training in technical assessment and development. A qualified professional can work with you to determine your interests, skills, and values in order to create a great person-environment fit for you that will be more motivating and encouraging. Finding something important and pleasant may be worth the time and effort for you right now because function is an essential component of our lives and our identities. As you consider possible career paths, it may be helpful to learn more about who you are and how you might grow on a larger wave.

Author’s Response

I frequently sit in the middle of the night thinking obsessively about a subject. I’m not so positive about the time, but I try to identify and comprehend my emotions in relation to my attempted suicide three or two years ago. I occasionally feel helpless and ashamed of myself when I reflect on my attempted murder. The idea that those who are aware of my attempt believe I am helpless, terrible, and self-conscious because I tried to end my life is consuming me. In other words, I’m genuinely curious as to why I experience this sinking sensation. I’m proud to say that I have a good understanding of psychology and that my feelings are out of the ordinary. I’ve made several attempts to learn more about it, but to no avail. I’m hoping you may at least identify the experience for me.

Therapist’s Response

I believe that what you are experiencing is pity, which many people in your position have experienced before. It is that sense of regret, grief, and grief that we all experience occasionally in life. Pity, regrettably, can be a very damaging feeling that may worsen rather than improve our circumstances and struggles. Shame is a feeling of guilt and unworthiness that originates from within. That, however, is just a portion of the challenges faced by those recovering from suicide attempts. Another aspect that is equally terrible is brand. The environment we live in is a source of discrimination. Society conveys the idea that what we have done is wrong or taboo and that we are flawed in some way, poor, and uncaring.

People who have considered suicidal behavior, attempted murder, or even finished it have a substantial stigma surrounding them. The communications we hear about death from the press, our friends, and even our families paint a picture of people who are struggling with death as poor, insane, flawed, or self-centered. This brand frequently has a negative impact and cannot explain facts about depression or the chemicals in our brains. The brand simply serves to increase the shame felt by those who battle depression and suicide. Even more depressive thoughts may result from this. It’s a cycle that can go on forever for some of my customers.

Although attitudes toward suicide are gradually changing for the better — we’ve seen many people speak out against the stigma of suicide when Robin Williams passed away, for example— the stigma is still pervasive enough in our culture to keep most people, especially the elderly, from discussing it. Death is a topic that many people are reluctant to discuss, which just makes it harder to comprehend and assist. We are less likely to ask for assistance and support from those who may offer it if we are hesitant to speak up for fear of how others may respond. A successful suicide prevention program works to lessen the stain connected to experiencing this way.

Consider Website Counseling: Get Matched Specifically
( Read our crucial explanation below. )

Some facets of our society are demeaning to people who have suicidal and depressive thoughts. People are frequently referred to as” committing” suicide as they would a crime or sin. This kind of speech has been employed in an effort to dissuade people from committing suicide. I recognize that while society as a whole does have good intentions with this, it just encourages people who are depressed to cover rather than seek the assistance they require. It just gets worse as a result.

The most frequent statements made by my clients who have attempted suicide or were contemplating it include” I’m weak ,”” i’ll be a burden to everyone ,” and” Oh, I must be crazy.” I’ve previously discussed these concepts in my content,” 4 Legends About Suicide.” One of the worst effects of this brand is that it makes us feel as though we need to keep our emotions hidden and fight on our own, by ourselves. Our despair just feels worse when we are by ourselves, which only makes it worse. My clients frequently claim that they didn’t discuss it because their loved ones, friends, and doctors will not comprehend. You are not alone, but I can’t guarantee that all you want to understand will( possibly because they have fallen for the stigma and negative information ). Finding people who understand is useful in recovering from a murder effort because there are many people out there who have experienced this just like you. It can be a life-changing experience whether you find them in your family, friends, cultural system, or depression support group. You can find a ton of online resources, such as Waking Up Live, What Happens Today?, and beyondblue, to help you start to comprehend what it means to restore from this. Many of us who know someone who is depressed are frequently hesitant to inquire as to whether they are considering death. But, simply asking can help lessen the stigma associated with it by letting people know it’s okay to discuss it.

Writer’s Response

I haven’t had many friends since I was a young child, and when I started being bullied, that number dropped to zero. When I moved to a new class and made friends, I kept that routine just in case my friends decided to leave me. I had to make friends with my professors, and over time, that’s what I got used to doing— sitting with them at breakfast and talking to them during playtime. Now, whenever a professor doesn’t like me, it keeps me up at night worrying about potential mistakes. I always want to be there for my beloved teacher to support them and ease any anxiety they may be experiencing. However, whenever I make a mistake or feel like I’m bothering them, it’s disastrous, and I feel as though I am bringing down the god. Therefore, my query is:

Is it bad to hold my teacher in such high regard and to aspire to friendship with them beyond simple friendliness? If I keep my distance?

Response from a psychologist

Admiring teachers, wanting to win their favor, and yet wishing for friendships with them are all very natural emotions. It is simple to fall in love with teachers because they frequently possess traits we wish we possessed in ourselves, such as compassion, warmth, wisdom, compassion, and warmth. Instructors also pay attention to us, particularly when we effectively respond to a question or put forth effort in our job. However, there are times when we overestimate the significance of the notice, falsely believing that our relationship with a teacher is unique and that no one else has it. All of these feelings and thoughts are normal; what matters is how we handle them and what we do with them.

When peers have not been as accepting( and have instead bullied ), I may know how teachers have been particularly kind to you and how you feel their support and friendship. Often, when we find it difficult to relate to people our own era( or when they struggle with us ), we discover that we have a lot in common with our teachers. However, just as it’s crucial to have our faculty and other reliable people serve as our safety traps( much like you did when moving to a new school ), we also need to keep learning new strategies for interacting with and developing friendships with people our own time. While some teachers may be able to assist with these skills, it is more common to find specific tools for facilitating friendships and peer relationships from a reputable consultant at the school or perhaps an authorized therapist or psychologist outside of the institution.

Try Website Counseling: Get Personalized Matched
( Read our crucial explanation below. )

People can get frightened or flustered around expert figures( like teachers) when they are worried about what they think of them. They may also put them on a pedestal, as you described. This may occasionally be a sign of Social Phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder. If this is the case for you, a skilled mental health professional can help you identify it and provide organized strategies to make your interactions with teachers and other authority figures more reasonable. Students’ jobs are to listen to their professors and make the most of the lessons they are given, while teachers’ responsibilities include assisting students in learning. We start to mix restrictions that are crucial to ensuring that students learn when we begin to misinterpret the marriage as being closer.

You even mentioned wanting to support your professors at all times to ease their stress. It would be beneficial for you to work on this crucial edge. No child should assist in reducing stress in individuals; that responsibility belongs to other people with whom they have relationships and friendships that are appropriate for their age. If a tutor gets irritated, it might be because they see this line being crossed. The best way to get along with a teacher is to pay attention to them, ask for assistance with school-related issues( both the learning materials and equal conflicts ), and follow their instructions.

Yes, it can be detrimental for you to need an adult connection with your professors, to answer your question. Instead of viewing it as distant, consider the good restrictions mentioned above. Consider how you can channel your need for encouragement and friendliness into your own match relationships rather than those with your instructors. My guess is that once you start experimenting with giving your same-age friends more effort( with consultant assistance if necessary ), you’ll get along better with your professors, care less about them, and feel better about yourself as well.

Writer’s Response

I’m not sure what to do with my uncle any longer. I was 15 when my parents split up, and I moved in with my father. He always treated me poorly, mistreated me in every way, coerced me into believing anyone, and yet turned me against my mother. During the marriage, all he told me was true, hardly what she was. I therefore believed him for six times before I got married and moved out at the age of 22. Everything he said turned out to be a rest. He has changed me so drastically that I can’t help but feel bad about whatever. I blame myself for all, I find it impossible to laugh at jokes, and I constantly put myself down and think I have to do everything in order to win my father’s approval. My marriage with my husband is currently being destroyed by it. Every day, I have to visit my father, see him once a year, and comply with all of his requests. I’ve made numerous attempts to put an end to it, but each time he fights back, I am unable to speak; instead, the man yells, argues, and even threatens to hit me. And each day I cry, I come back to him. I will lose my father, brother, and everything I own if I don’t act quickly. I don’t want to let go of my one and only source of joy. He has ruined me. I need assistance because I don’t understand what to do.

Response from a psychologist

It sounds like you’ve had a hard time with your father, but you have also been able to see things clearly and pay attention to the items you no longer want to put up with. It seems like leaving his home was the first step in comprehending both his strategies and your own reactions to them.

I get the impression from your outline that two points are taking place:

1. Your papa is who he is, and it’s unlikely that much of that may alter.
2. You might have more control over the marriage depending on how you choose to react to your parents.

People occasionally experience a sense of helplessness and immobility due to their behavior toward people, particularly their families. Consider how much emotional and physical distance you might be able to stand from your father in these situations. I saw many” have tos” in your description, but I’m not sure what will happen if you don’t agree. If someone is emotionally and physically aggressive, there isn’t a good way to stay in contact with them until the mistreatment stops. It sounds like there are risks of mistreatment when and if you engage with him.

Try website counseling to get physically matched.
( Please read the crucial explanation below. )

I’m curious as to what keeps you in touch with your dad— is it out of duty, the fictitious expectation of his approval, or something else? I’m wondering if there is a way to set stronger boundaries with him without” ending it”; the worry that you will cut him off may also be the driving force behind some of this behaviour. If he is willing to acknowledge and stop the abuse.

Anyone in this situation should sit down and create a plan that will allow them to communicate with their father in an effective and secure manner. This is the first thing I do advise doing. How frequently would you want to call him if it were up to you, putting aside his needs and needs? How frequently would you like to discover him? Given how he has treated you, would you want to communicate with him at most?

It might be beneficial for the two of you to sit down with a neutral third party( such as an authorized counselor or licensed psychiatrist) to find ways to communicate these limitations with him so that he can hear them once you have figured out what your requirements are in the marriage and have made up your mind whether you want to date him at all. Starting with” Dad, I love you and want you to be a part of our lives, but I sometimes have to set my own home first” can be helpful. May we arrange to meet somewhere in the center? Another strategy might be to start ignoring his calls and offers and responding to or accepting them only when you have the time( and energy ) to do so. You have every right to place restrictions on your own time and energy because they are yours. You have the right to quietly leave or hang up the phone if he yells and screams. It’s crucial for you to make a conscious effort to get in touch with him in this strategy, particularly when you’re both at peace and natural. When you’re enraged or frustrated, trying to make adjustments will only create the issues you already have worse.

It can be very difficult to set boundaries with parents, or with others in our lives who pull for us to pay attention to them. Your anger toward your father is valid; it’s finding a way to effectively communicate that anger and set your own boundaries that is difficult. Talking to a licensed mental health provider may be most helpful for you given the pain you’ve experienced. I would also suggest reading Harriet Lerner’s Dance of Anger as another resource in figuring out how to express your feelings clearly while navigating this difficult relationship.

Writer’s Response

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I can not find such enjoyment in eating, so I envy those who do. Most issues don’t interest me at all. I don’t feel depressed or sad very frequently; instead, I really feel empty and bored. If I ever feel inspired to do something, it vanishes in an instant. I used to like working out at the gym, and it felt fantastic. That occurred five years ago. I find it difficult to find myself to work out right then. I don’t think content being around associates or fresh acquaintances whenever I sit with them; neither do I experience any sense of satisfaction. I adore math, science, and computer science, but whenever I find myself involved in these fields, I just can’t seem to concentrate on them because I discover that doing the things I enjoy the most is not enjoyable. I don’t experience any sense of relief or happiness. I experience this overwhelming sense of emptiness once or twice a month, lasting from weeks to months. Maybe I don’t actually care to eat or drink because I have no interest in doing so. This doesn’t appear to be melancholy. That’s feasible, right?

Response from a psychologist

Anhedonia, a significant aspect of sadness, is what you describe in large part. Anhedonia is simply the ability to enjoy activities that are typically thought to be pleasurable or pleasant. It frequently manifests as a lack of desire to engage in the activities you typically enjoy, also known as” avolition ,” or as the loss of motivation to do the things you enjoy doing. Some of my patients have depression as a major component of their depression, maybe even more so than simply feeling down or depressed. Many people describe it as persistent feelings of loneliness, never from monotony but rather from hopelessness, loneliness, or isolation. I typically observe depression as a factor in decreased interpersonal skills and sex drive.

Although depression is most usually linked to depression, it can also be found in less frequently in psychosis, anxiety, and personality disorders. According to some experts, depression may cause the brain’s pleasure facility to shut down, making it difficult to feeling nice and essentially limiting the amount of satisfaction we may experience. Others have argued that anhedonia restricts how much we can feel good, so even when we do feel pleasure, it doesn’t last long enough to be significant.

Try website counseling to get physically matched.
( Please read the crucial explanation below. )

Regardless of the cause, lethargy is frequently quite difficult and can hinder depression recovery by making it harder to work, advance, and make an effort. It can be challenging to muster the motivation to move ahead, particularly when you don’t feel like it. It is necessary, though, to aid in your treatment. Making an effort to maintain as much of your regular schedule as you can can have a significant impact. Fighting those wants can help you get out of the way you’ve been feeling, even though lethargy and depression can make us want to retreat, stay in bed all time, and ignore the relationships we need. Getting out of bed does occasionally be the first step. next putting on clothes. therefore a meal. finally start taking the next step. Start off by taking small steps at first. Before you even start to consider the next step, discipline yourself through each one. Even small quantities of simple exercise have been found to significantly reduce depression. Exercise, even in small doses, may cause your mind to produce chemicals that improve mood and motivation. Walking is a fantastic method to get things going. Getting up and start moving. Another option that many people find advantageous is drugs. Drugs that act quickly are thought to help the brain regain its capacity for enjoyment. Although treatment may have some side effects, the entire benefit frequently outweighs them.

Self-shaming or being self-critical about this is one point to watch out for. Anhedonia affects a lot of effective, successful people, and they frequently view it as an defect in their personalities. They describe themselves as sad, slower, and lazy. I observe this in people who, prior to the onset of their sadness, were exceedingly active and productive. We must keep in mind that the brain is engaged in a cerebral and chemical process. Anyone in this position needs to be aware that the depression is having an effect on your brain. It is not something you brought about, nor does it represent a long-term shift in who you are. It’s possible that criticizing yourself for getting up and moving, humiliating yourself, or” guilting” yourself to perform better will only make your depression worse. Adding a small sense of self to your unhappiness won’t help and will only make things worse. Anyone in this situation should be gentle with themselves. Motivation will inspire you more than guilt and shame. Healing is a procedure. Don’t worry about how much your recovery” if” take; just let it happen. I have never seen anyone” yell and scream” at themselves back into feeling better while working with some unhappy people. I would say,” You can do this ,” to anyone in this situation. You possess this.