Surmounting Shyness

Reader’s Question

Is it normal to always be painfully shy at almost forty? I have very few friends and experience my two kids. At work many of all these colleagues have very little to do with myself, and I tend to keep to myself quite a lot, as I get really nervous once I’m around too many of them right away. I avoid meetings and unrestricted gatherings in general since I sometimes exactly don’t know how to make small fad (which I also find to be a waste of resources anyway). I’m also a bit annoying, as I have no social life, and thus I’m also aware that I sometimes look very nervous, awkward as well as , stupid. I sometimes get enormously depressed and anxious on Weekend afternoons as I know that on Saturday it’s back to work again.

I would also like to meet a stranger and start a relationship, but Ankle sprain no idea how to go about doing it. I have found like I’m emotionally underdeveloped; Book I act like a school girl. In addition , i feel very inferior to my peers may very well well-adjusted families and active social public marketing lives. I often wish that we could be more like them. I feel tremendously lonely sometimes. I just don’t surprisingly to do with myself at this point in my life, and i also feel myself becoming more and more reclusive as depressed. I know that I need to get playing and interact with people, but I do not know how/where to start and how to get it done without appearing fake and uneasy and stupid. I simply don’t would to do.

Psychologist’s Reply

To answer your first question, absolutely yes, shyness is a common personality trait but is normal, no matter what age. In some traditions, shyness is seen as a positive trait — but because Western culture is really outgoing, it can be difficult to feel as if other folks experience shyness as well. It’s incredibly normal to want to have one or two good friends, or to have deeper conversation because of one person rather than making small talk to acquaintances. Some individuals find it helpful to realize that others are like this, and that a produce called Introversion (from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, MBTI ) exists. Individuals who result higher on the Introversion (rather than Extraversion ) quit of the scale often feel exhausted if they have to interact with many people or perhaps make small talk — they have a tendency to get their energy from their specific thoughts and ideas and can change into easily overwhelmed at parties on the other hand other large social gatherings. One or two introverted individuals are also very sensitive, and choose support in books such as The Highly Sensitive Person [ Amazon-US | Amazon-UK ] by Elaine Aron, PhD.

Totally from what you’ve described, it sounds as if you have some successful relationships — having two children, having some friends, and in addition being able to work in an office environment. Working at able to form those relationships in the past, and I wonder whether anything perhaps have changed in your life since then.

I can understand how difficult it can think when the dread and fear standing in when approaching situations that create are worried and nervousness. If the worry is simply significantly interfering with your social, work out, and other important areas, then it is usually helpful to find a licensed mental doctor to rule out Social Anxiety Disorder so as to help with increasing your relaxation response with regard to social situations. They can also advice explore the thoughts that are having more worry (such as “I look nervous, dumb and stupid” ) with ideas that follow (which, for example , might, “no one genuinely be friends with me, ” “others several being nice to me because they must remain, ” or “everyone’s looking at me then judging me” ). A functional psychologist or other licensed emotional health professional can help to better sort through of these thoughts and feelings and help you find ways to go your goals for connection with others.