Problem from the Reader

I haven’t had many friends since I was a young child, and when I started being bullied, that number dropped to zero. When I moved to a new class and made friends, I kept that routine just in case my friends decided to leave me. I had to make friends with my professors, and over time, that’s what I got used to doing— sitting with them at breakfast and talking to them during recession. Then, whenever a professor doesn’t like me, it keeps me up at night worrying about everything I might have done incorrectly. I often want to be there for my beloved teacher to support them and ease any anxiety they may be experiencing. However, whenever I make a mistake or feel as though I’m bothering them, it’s destructive, and I feel like bringing down the god. Therefore, my query is:

Is it detrimental to hold my teacher in such high regard and to want to be associates with them rather than just being friendly? If I keep my distance?

Psychologist’s Response

It is only natural to love professors, to want to win their favor, and even to hope to become friends with them. It is simple to fall in love with teachers because they frequently possess traits we wish we possessed in ourselves, such as compassion, kindness, wisdom, compassion, and warmth. Instructors also pay attention to us, particularly when we effectively respond to questions or put forth effort. However, there are times when we overestimate the significance of the notice, wrongfully believing that our relationship with a teacher is unique from everyone else’s. All of these feelings and thoughts are normal; what matters is how we handle them and what we do with them.

When contemporaries have not been as accepting( and have instead bullied ), I can understand how teachers have been particularly kind to you and how you feel their support and friendship. Often, when we find it difficult to relate to people our own era( or when they struggle with us ), we discover that we have a lot in common with our teachers. However, just as it’s crucial to have our faculty and other reliable people serve as our safety traps( much like you did when moving to a new school ), we also need to keep learning new strategies for interacting with and developing friendships with people our own time. Some teachers does assist with these skills, but frequently a reputable advisor at the college or maybe formally licensed therapist or psychologist can provide particular tools for facilitating the development of friendships and peer relationships.

Try website counseling to get physically matched.
( Read our crucial explanation below. )

People can get frightened or flustered around expert figures( like teachers) when they are worried about what they think of them. They may also put them on a pedestal, as you described. This may occasionally be a sign of Social Phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder. If this is the case for you, a qualified mental health professional can assist you in determining it and, in that case, you provide structured ways to help you see professors and other authority figures more realistically. Students’ responsibilities are to listen to their instructors and make the most of the lessons they are given, while teachers’ responsibilities include assisting students in learning. We start to mix boundaries that are crucial to ensuring that students learn when we begin to misinterpret the marriage as being closer.

You even mentioned wanting to support your professors at all times to ease their stress. This is a crucial edge that you could work on. It is the responsibility of other people with whom they have age-appropriate friendships and relationships, never any child’s job to help reduce stress in adults. If a tutor gets irritated, it might be because they see this line being crossed. It is appropriate to have a good relationship with savvy by paying attention to the teacher, asking for assistance with school-related issues( both the learning materials and gaze conflicts ), and following their instructions.

Yes, it can be detrimental for you to need an adult connection with your professors, to answer your question. Consider the good restrictions described below rather than viewing it as distancing. Instead of focusing on relationships with your professors, you might want to consider how to carry your need for encouragement and friendliness into your own peer relationships. My prediction is that you will get along better with your professors, care less about them, and feel better about yourself once you start experimenting with giving your same-age friends more effort( with consultant assistance if necessary ).